There are so many situations among friends and family where, over time, we learn through many heartaches and many disappointments that some people are just toxic. There are, unfortunately, some people in this world that thrive on unnecessary drama, negativity, and the misery of others.
It is difficult to avoid these situations, as many times the most toxic people we encounter are people that we are fully bonded with. It could be a sibling, a parent, a spouse, or a life long friend. And it never fails… you forgive them, you bond with them, you try to build a relationship with them and out of nowhere they bring up some form of negative energy in the form of comment or action that causes your relationship with them to come to a screeching halt that will escalate.
While I thoroughly support doing everything in your capability to try to bring positive energy to all people in your life, there comes a time when we must accept defeat and defend ourselves in both physical and mental health. Though many times, apologies and forgiveness can lead to healthy and thriving relationships without further issue, there are occasions when a continued and intentional force of negativity must be taken away from our lives.
That doesn’t mean not to forgive the person, nor does it mean to stop loving the person. It simply means letting this person know that you can not allow yourself to continually fall into the same patterns of animosity and negativity that they bring in your life. Forgive them for what they’ve put you through, regardless of how many times they’ve set the same trap. Love them for the role they’ve played in your life…. but do it from a safe distance.
You as a person are allowed a peaceful life. Some relationships can go through the same cycle multiple times over many years. There are two people in my life (again, not naming names) that I have gone through this cycle with over and over for nearly three decades – my entire life… These people will always have a place in my heart. But, because of their nature and their lack of desire to be better people and live in peace, they can not be a part of my life. My hope and dream is that one day, they will return and they will give an honest effort without the negativity and a healthy relationship can be born, but for the amount of years and tears that have gone into trying to build a healthy relationship with them, realistically I know the chances of this happening are 0%.
You can approach the situation in a loving manner. When the negativity begins and your health – both physical and mental – becomes a source of energy to motivate the negativity, be kind. Don’t respond to the negativity with negativity. It will resolve nothing, and your energy will be drained and theirs will be amped up and ready for the next round.
Approach the situation in a way that keeps your health in mind and your peace close. Let them know “I’ve tried [insert amount of efforts] to have a healthy relationship with you, and you continue to hurt me. I love you and will always love you and you will always be an important part of my life. I have some happy memories with you, but at this point those memories will have to suffice. You will always have a place in my heart because of our relationship, but I can’t allow you to continue bringing this negativity into my life.” At this point, part ways.
The negativity will linger, the hurt will burn for some time, but the forgiveness must be real in order for the effect to have maximum impact. Removing yourself from the situation and disallowing further negativity from being a part of your life HAS had positive effects. People have done this to find that the person removed from their life found peace through religion, through finding real love, through finding a cause that matters and making it important, or in some cases through finding a rehabilitation program and seeking out help to relieve themselves of the negative energy that drives them.
Loving from a distance does not always equal a forever farewell. It simply means that you understand that you can’t bring the positivity to this person, so you are removing yourself from the equation to help them find positive energy and positive behavior on their own.
May you all have a peaceful and negativity free day! ❤